Michelle signals there is heavy metal in the soil.

Tragic news for Sasha, Malia and crunchy gourmets everywhere:

It was meant to be a show case for healthy living, with the first lady, Michelle Obama, personally putting hand to pitch fork in a crowd of school children to dig up the first White House vegetable garden in more than 50 years.

Instead, an embarrassed White House admitted today that the plot — whose lettuce, herbs and other produce have been consumed by the first family, visiting dignitaries, local school children and a women's homeless shelter — had tested positive for elevated levels of lead.

A spokeswoman for the White House said the soil in the garden had lead concentrations of 93 parts per million of lead. Health experts say it is safe to raise leafy vegetables in soil with concentrations of 10-50 parts per million, and urban gardens typically have raised lead levels. However, it is advised for young children to be tested for exposure to lead if they play in areas where lead concentrations exceed 100 parts per million. The Environmental Protection Agency puts the threshold for dangerous lead levels at 300 parts per million.

Oh, a little lead won't hurt ya! I was raised on pencils and paint chips and it never did me no harm ('cept for the prehensile tail, hairy tongue and whatnot).

But here was the part of the Guardian article that really chapped my leaden derriere:

The vegetable garden was an important symbolic break with the George Bush presidency, and it became a cause for environmentalists and the organic food movement in America who had urged the Obamas to use the White House to set an example of healthy eating.

That's right, because Dubya was a vocal proponent of unhealthy eating. Jardin Michelle actually replaced the Jacuzzi-size deep fat fryer Bush installed back in Ought-One.

And remember when he replaced school lunches with "teenage happy hours" offering nothing but Buffalo wings, stuffed potato skins and "extreme" nachos? It's amazing any kids graduated without coronary disease or gout.

When Farmer Michelle sowed her magic beans, it was like the dawning of a new culinary Eden. For the first time, Americans discovered that neocon staples like Frito Chili Pie were less healthy than Lentil Arugula Pasticcio. It's just too bad the latter tastes like burnt soil and stagnant pond air.

On second thought, maybe a dash of lead will punch up the flavor.